I am fire.
I offer you
warmth and
light.
I need only
enough fuel
to keep me
burning bright.
Sometimes I need
to be protected
from the rain
that tries to suffocate
my flames.
If you don't feed me
and keep me safe,
I am gone forever.
You may ignite
a new fire,
but it will never
be me again.
~written 4/7/11
Happiness disintegrates, left untended.
Youth passes unnoticed
as we become ourselves.
Beauty sinks into
wrinkles of time,
but sorrow floats.
Laughter bounces over pain,
briefly, lightly, counterfeit.
Makeup, jewels, candlelight
disguise the
cruelty of time,
but sorrow floats.
Misery suffocates a smile.
Forsaken love lingers too long.
Innocence is crushed beneath
the weight of a broken heart.
Dreams are stifled by reality,
but sorrow floats.
~written 4/1/11
Your love has teeth;
they smile disarmingly.
Your love has
ripped open my heart,
gnawed at my mind,
chewed up my spirit.
Your love has devoured me
cruelly.
You have torn away pieces of me,
watched me wither,
heard me cry.
You have yelled at me because
I could not smile through
the torture, and quietly die.
Your love has teeth;
they gnash mercilessly.
~written 3/30/11
I'm sorry that I couldn't make you see
what you had -
what you were losing -
that you were breaking me.
I'm sorry that I was never sure
whether you really understood
what I was giving to you.
I'm sorry that I never knew
whether you really wanted me,
or just wanted me around when
I was giving you something you needed.
I'm sorry that you couldn't give me
a fraction of what I was giving you.
I'm sorry that I trusted you.
I'm sorry that you broke my trust.
I'm sorry that you made it my fault
for needing to be loved back -
even just a little...
and that I let you do it.
I'm sorry that "I'll try" meant
you couldn't say "Yes"
bu
I'm done hurting for you -
now I'm hurting for me,
and once I'm through,
I won't feel anything.
I won't feel lonely,
though I'll be alone.
I won't feel lost
in my own home.
My heart is broken,
just like my trust -
but both are mine again -
see what they've cost?
I gave too much
for what I got.
Now I'm my own,
and that's enough.
~written 3/18/11
Perhaps you don't know what you're doing.
Then again, perhaps you do.
You asked me for everything.
You asked me to open myself to you.
I gave you my mind, heart, and body.
I gave you my trust and needs.
I showed you my fear, pain and hope.
I let you touch my soul, and I let you guide my dreams.
You've been starving my heart, neglecting my body.
You have let me beg, then kept me waiting.
You have twisted my mind, and let me blame myself.
You have turned my grief around, and made it guilt.
I have tried to show you the damage you're causing.
I keep praying that you will see.
You are breaking my trust, dissolving my will.
You are b
When you overlook me
because I will be there later,
a piece of my heart breaks.
When you forget to say goodnight
because your mind is full of
people you don't like,
a piece of my heart breaks.
When you don't notice my devotion
because someone who doesn't
love you has your attention,
a piece of my heart breaks.
When I need to be your first choice,
but you choose me second
Ugly, lazy, lumpy -
Worthless, miserable, crazy -
I hear what I have been told.
I see what I have been shown.
Weird, awkward, clumsy -
Deformed, disappointing, fat -
Bombarded with loathing,
I am blinded by what others see.
Misfit, loser, pathetic -
Freak, twisted, geek -
I become less like me,
reflecting more of what you see.
Brainy, artsy, generous -
Forgiving, funny, sweet -
Contempt drips from compliments.
Can I know what you will see?
Forgettable, invisible, insignificant -
Confusing, frustrating, exhausting -
I struggle to see the beauty in me.
Can I believe I'm good enough? All I see is flaws.
Beloved, de
I think I know what's best for me.
I'm sure I know my heart.
I believe that I know love.
I'm always certain, but seldom right.
I have loved a dozen men.
Each of them was right for me.
I believe that I know love.
I'm always certain, but seldom right.
I thought that I could be happy.
I knew that you wanted me.
I believe that I know love.
I'm always certain, but seldom right.
I had no doubt that I loved you.
I was convinced that you loved me.
I believe that I know love.
I'm always certain, but seldom right.
~written 3/16/11